Decisions
by katladyd
Summary: Harold and Maude both have some decisions to make on the night of her eightieth birthday.


Decisions: Maude and Harold both have some decisions to make.

Maude stared down at the opaque pill bottle she clasped tightly in her hand. A million conflicting thoughts were racing through her mind. _Maude, old girl, you've been planning this for ages. So, what's with the hesitation? Open the bottle and take the pills. It's your eightieth birthday, you've always had it in your plans to do this on this date._ She stared uncertainly down at the still closed bottle, indecision and annoyance written all over her face. _You'd better hurry. Harold will be here soon and if you take them now, you will pass somewhere around midnight, after spending a wonderful birthday evening with him. Remember, you have never wanted to wake up and be eighty-and-one-day-old. Now go ahead and take the pills. Harold will be here before you know it._

Harold! The mere thought of him conjoured up feelings she would have rather ignored, but tonight there was no ignoring them. Why did her heart race so and why was she still holding that darn pill

bottle? She felt a fondness for the young man, of course. But she had reasoned to herself that her feelings were in the same vein as the ones she had felt for the tree in front of the courthouse. It was growing in a place that was toxic to its well being and, in her mind, so was Harold. She had transplanted the tree to a much healthier environment, and she had imagined she had done the same for her young friend. Only Harold wasn't a tree. He was a human being. In reality, a most caring and tender human being, as she had discovered the night before.

Their love making had awoken feelings in her she had thought long buried. Oh, it wasn't only the physical sensations. Maude indulged those needs the rare times they presented themselves with any one of her willing men friends, of which she had a few. No, it was Harold's honest, unsullied, love for her that had manifested itself beautifully under her experienced guidance that had messed with both her mind and plans. It was the purity of his feelings that had opened a vault in her head and heart she had felt was closed and locked long ago. They had both found a need for each other that transcended mere physical sensation and pleasure. To be sure, both had been present, but something else had also taken place in her soul. Could it have been love?

_Love? Oh, don't be silly! He's twenty-years-old, for crying out loud! He hasn't lived through all the things you have. He doesn't know that love is transient. Even love of life, for that matter. Everything ends. Everything. That is what helps make life so precious, and fleeting. Like love. But fleeting or not, maybe I'm feeling exactly that. Harold fulfills me in a way I have never experienced before. But it's not fair to either of us for me to hang on to what's left of me and my life. I know he wants to marry me. However, I'm not sure he knows the reality of that wish. I'm an old woman and he's a wonderful young man. I can almost keep up with him now, but what about five years from now? Do I want him saddled with a dying old woman who may or may not remember his name or who he is? Of course not! That wouldn't be fair to either of us._

_Still, what difference will one day make? What is the real difference between eighty years and eighty years and one day? Or two? Or a week.? Or maybe a month? Why shouldn't we enjoy being with each other for a little while longer? What could it hurt? It would even give Harold time to accept my planned passing with a little more grace than he will most likely feel now. Yes, that's it. I'll just see how tonight goes and take it from there. I wouldn't mind another night of passion and love with Harold. That would be a wonderful birthday present! Oh, wait. I think he's here now. _Maude carefully set the pill bottle back in the cabinet and went out to greet Harold and the future with a soft, wistful smile on her face.

Party Questions

_Oh, my! How beautifully Harold has decorated for my party! Sunflowers everywhere! Beautiful, gorgeous, sunflowers. He remembered how I told him I would love to become one if I could. That's Harold. Thoughtful and kind. A little subdued, but he's slowly coming out of his shell. Yes, I made the right decision about the pills. Now is not the time. Maybe tomorrow, maybe a year from tomorrow. Whatever, we will reach that conclusion together._

_How lovely Maude looks tonight! I hope she loves my gifts and that my proposal makes her happy. I love this woman more than anything in my life and I want to keep her next to me as longs as possible. Ours is not a normal relationship, but it is the right one for me…and I hope for Maude as well. Life can be beautiful when you meet the right person, the person who changes your perspective on life, living, and what is truly important. Who better than Maude to marry and share life with? I love someone for the first time in my life and I intend to make this last for a long, long, time._

_Oh, my! Harold has just proposed to me. Ring and all. I love him, I know that now, but what do I say? At this time, marriage is just not right for either him or me. But I want to neither hurt nor lose him. Let me think…_

_I just proposed to my wonderful lady and she is looking at me with a strained expression on her face. Did I do something wrong? What is it? I suppose the only way to find out is to ask her. _"Maude, are you unhappy with my question? Did I do offend you?"

"No, my darling Harold. But have you given any real thought to what marriage to me would mean for you? Oh yes, tonight it seems very right and romantic, but let me state a few harsh realities for you. One, right now, I seem like an older woman with ton of energy and a zest for life. But, realistically, and we must always look at things realistically to fully understand and enjoy them, how long will my zest and energy last? And will your love for me survive my eventual slowing down and increasing infirmities?"

_Oh shit. I must convince her of my love and how it will last despite anything that happens in the future._ _I guess I'll just tell her exactly how I feel_. "Maude, I will love you forever. You have brought so much joy and light into my life. How could I not feel lasting love for you? I love you tonight and I will love you ten years from tonight."

"If I'm still around ten years from now."

"Well, yes. If you're still here."

"And if I'm not?"

"I'll be sad. But by that time, I'll have the memories of you to get me through. So, what do you say?"

_I must think and think fast. Nothing to do but to tell the truth. That may change his mind_. "I do believe you truly feel that, but how can I be sure of that? Harold, I had always planned to end my life on my eightieth birthday, that always felt right to me. However, you came along and changed all of that for me. I had the pills in my hand tonight. Before you panic, do know that I didn't take them."

_Damn! What can I say to that but,_ "Why?"

"I don't know. For you. For me. For us. For what might be."

_Okay. Maybe this isn't so bad. I have to ask her,_ "So, you'll marry me?

"No, not yet."

_Now I'm really confused_, "What do you mean?"

_Oh my. I didn't want to hurt him. I must explain, and quickly_. "My dearest Harold, what I mean is that I will accept the beautiful ring you want to give me, and we will call ourselves engaged. But…we will only talk of marriage again one year from now. If at that time you want to end things, so be it. If you wish to carry on being engaged, we will. Indefinitely if that suits us both. And if you want to get married, we will do that. I do want us both to think this thing through thoroughly before we make that commitment. Does that agreement satisfy you?"

"You promise that if I still want to marry you, we'll do that?"

"Of course, my dear. I just said that, didn't I? But, oh Harold, in the meantime, what adventures we will have! And what fun! You will live here with me, and we will make everyday a holiday!"

_That's better. But I have my expectations, also._ _Might as well let her know now, not later,_ "All right. But on one condition."

"And what is that, darling?" _My goodness he looks adorable when he's being earnest!_

"No more stealing cars."

"I don't steal them, Harold. I merely borrow them for a bit."

"Yeah, but still, no more. If we need to go somewhere, we'll take my car. Is that a deal?"

"Oh, you do drive a hard bargain, my dear. But…very well. Oh, Harold?"

"Yes, Maude?" _God she's cute when she's brokering a deal!_

"Will you teach me how to drive a car with a manual transmission?"

"Tomorrow. I promise. But first, we have a birthday of yours to celebrate. Don't we?"

"How do you intend to celebrate it with me?" Harold takes her tenderly in his arms and begins to kiss her softly. Oh, I see. Perhaps we should have some dinner first." Harold's kisses became more intimate and passionate "…or not."


End file.
